Like the distant stars whose lights reach Earth many many years after they actually shone, I’ve been staring into a past version of myself.
Shedding skin is not easy – the safety blanket is warm and comfortable and perfectly fitted – but old skin can be as confining as an armor that hinders growth. I’ve known I’ve changed, but in looking at specific parts of myself the tunnel vision made me lose sight of the whole picture. I looked up and I gasped; who is this? Who are you, me? You are not. the. one. I used to know.
Painless growth still hurts when you see it for the first time, tall and proud, a North versus South battle fought in your mind and invisible to the whole world –
But when the war ends… When the war ends and the country is unified again it is stronger and better because no fight starts without a reason and there was a reason. There’s always a lot of reasons. Even if they do not make sense or carry an explanation. Even if they are absolutely ridiculous, or unfair, or foolish.
I do not want to be a refugee in my comfort zone.
It’s okay to change, it’s okay that you’re not the same person, it’s okay to not be your past and probably not your future and if I accept and welcome myself with open arms no one else has to.